MARRIAGE
IS NO CHILD’S PLAY
It only takes ignorance
for a person to eat with dirty hands unwashed. Washing before eating is
basically to avoid contamination with micro-organisms which could be fatal.
This practice pinpoints the fact that before one gets along to find something to
do, he got to prepare duly in order to avoid being entangled with a mesh
network of mess and miseries.
Marriage, as a divine,
permanent union of a mature man and a mature woman is one of the numberless
requirements of humans and everyone is fully aware of this. In a like manner,
it also requires “hand washing” prior to its establishment in order to avoid
the ghastly aftermath, of it being contaminated. Paramount, the hand washing
before marriage has to do with preparation of oneself , thinking well and
involving the almighty creator in every bit of proceedings since once entered,
there is no way for exit. This is no joke. Considering the solemnity, the
permanence and vow-requisition state of marriage, one can tell without any
trace of doubt that anyone who dares take it lightly is just arching him/herself
into destruction ever after. Marriage is a business of serious people.
Today, it is not
uncommon for you to see pairs of legs of premature teenagers treading flimsy and
unknown ways to get into marriage. Large percentage of these “yet-to-grow”
generation do these by getting someone
opposite of their sex, with such similar mind set who get on side servicing the
other counterparts immorally with a vague hope of one-day being married
couples. The pitiful news of doom here is that most of their hurrying pairs of
legs only fall into ghostly pits. The seriousness of marriage should be taken
note of. Its only animals which have no distinct sense about making distinct
families that go on messing their bodies here and there sexually irrespective
of their age, race, family and species.
It takes a high
spiritual ranking, due physical maturity, worthy social growth and attainment
and then specifically, a mature mental development for human hands to wear
marital pairs of gloves. For one to encounter and endure a certain hardship in
courtship, it takes emotional maturity and high mental tolerance. Failure of
these fundamental and unavoidable states of the involved personnel will only
paint matrimony as disharmony. Many folks who are inconsiderate about the role
of maturity in mate selection and therefore gallop in hurry to marry only rush
or dash into a crush or smash at last.
It takes every living
fraction of the labour force a perpetual industry to maintain a worthy source
of livelihood and industry if firmer with fundamental, conversional or
vocational education. Lack of this solid means of economic sustenance will only
do the best that a lorry does when it is out of fuel. Where then does a
teenager lie when it comes to a supportive occupation? Even in the presence of
a supportive income, one needs the skills of home management and economic
planning which also takes its source and success from mental growth and
experience of the individual. Inadequate knowledge about this which we should
define as ignorance will only shovel the ignorant fellow into liquidation
resulting from prodigal expenditure and spendthrift folly. Questions unfolding;
how does it take an immature brain to suggest a meaningful budget on
livelihood? Would it be by a magical lobby or what? I mean a decision free from an unreasonable encounter
of excessive, extravagant spending spree, culminating from a ‘neonates’ mental
faculty, how possible? And if impossible in the presence of a standing income,
how possible will it be in its potential and perhaps, its progressive absence?
Just accept this fact; money or no money, an immature brain cannot and
therefore does not handle a spouse, children, in-laws and others with its little
mental space if there is some at all. Let’s be in focus. Marriage is no play
for the underdeveloped.
Another set of
preparatory requirements for one to be bonded through courtship is the ability
to exhibit the knowledge obtained from basic etiquettes; knowledge on personal
care, hospitality, up keeping of house, simple and varied courtesies that are
just basic but obligatory. An ability to resolve internal and external
conflicts, appreciation and acceptance of others are also part of interpersonal
relationships skills for people to inculcate prior to their bonding. Other
fruits of the spirit such as love kindness, generosity, longsuffering, self-control,
submissiveness, humility, peacefulness, patience, honesty, compassion,
mercifulness, empathy, forgiveness and the like are requirements that must not
be left out in preparations towards the permanent union. It should however be
carefully noted and left unquestioned that all the above preparations have to
be made before who the mate would be is known. You don’t get along with some
“idol” and be preparing together as you commit the vice. This indicates that
the ‘free’ person preparing for marriage should take the chance to acquire the above
seeds and at the same time avoid fruits of the flesh such as anger,
selfishness, impatience, greed, jealousness, dishonesty, fornication,
immodesty, rudeness and so on. The good fruits are deliberately learnt and made
part of the individual permanently while the bad ones are also avoided
deliberately to be away from the individual permanently.
A person who shuns
basic civic responsibilities is not an eligible citizen; with this knowledge,
it therefore means obedience of civic norms, regulations, bye-laws, payment of
taxes, electoral participation and a whole lot should be part and parcel of
people preparing to raise a family. The period for employing the premature
brain to make wrong decisions which are regretted later (if not on earth, then
on judgment), can profitably be projected into the moment when all the
mentioned good fruit are learnt and mastered habitually to help later in life. Unfortunately,
this tender age of our mentally unproductive generations is the moment they
spent to make slippery and unrealistic choice that later increases the length
of their cock and bull stories of broken heartedness. This is the “eating without
hand washing” that the concept is trying to decode.
Avoidance of God in the
preparatory moment for marriage is as fatal as walking on a rope bridge over a
big gutter. How then is God involved in marriage? (Take the benefit of this
chance to study this from your preacher. But be aware that most people who were
defaulters find it difficult to hit where they lagged). Bible declared that God
is a giver of good gifts (James 2:17) and will not give something that would
harm His child (Matt. 7:9-10). Else, it will just be like giving a sharp, shiny
and beautifully made knife to a child! Knife we know plays an important role in
the kitchen and elsewhere. But of which benefit is a knife to a little one? God
will not do that even if this knife is the most precious one. A person preparing
for marriage should be someone who is saved. Salvation doesn’t mean finding
your name in the register of a congregation. That is not salvation. Salvation
has to do with inner conversion of oneself through acceptance of Christ as a
saviour from God by confession and forsaking of one’s sinful update. Remember
it is inner, not outer. A saved citizen
of the kingdom is the one who is in a constant relationship with God, sincerely
born-again, actively promoting the will of God on earth and being fervent in
communication with God. God does not decide for block-headed people. He or she must be imitable, exemplary, and
accommodating. Good intrapersonal and interpersonal relationship, ethics of
co-habitation and higher spiritual disposition enables a person to know how to
relate with the spouse, in-laws, etc. and be adjusted to the new environment
where he/she might be compelled to go. It should therefore be stressed that age
as far as maturity is concerned is necessary here before a person can discern a
decision that contains sense for identifying a rightful mate. No wonder,
universal adult suffrage concessions also has it that a person should be above
age 17 before voting in an election. Good. It means those below that point when
permitted to vote will do it anyway, but unwisely. For a child to choose a
partner in his /her childhood with a future marriage in focus is like carrying fire
in one’s bosom. It’s so funny and amusing, but pitiful. Can a man carry fire in
his bosom and his cloths will not be burnt? (Prov. 6:27). Try it and see if you
would not only regret to have a woeful tale to narrate.
Millions of people all
over the world tried it and became dissatisfied sooner or later. Even the
lifespan of the titanic is longer than these their once-cherished
relationships. This case is fitting for those boys and girls out there who
during their basic education time have seen themselves mature enough as they
notice some minute physical changes occurring at some fragile parts of their
bodies. With these sets of deceptive changes, they consider themselves ripe for
what is meant for matured heads to carry. As if it’s an Olympic marathon, some
do rush to tag along with a boyfriend or a girlfriend or simply an opposite
sex. The cause for amusement here, though sympathetic is that, what is meant to
be called “fiancé or fiancée” they call “boyfriend or girlfriend”. What is
supposed to be backed by “love” is supported by ‘lust’. Varieties of reasons
and factors will not make that dirty relationship work. One of these numerous
factors is greediness; a partner in that babyish-relation who sees another
prettier greener pasture may wish to graze there also. A surge in jealousness
easily tears the union apart and the victim of this separation depending on the
level of childish-mindedness may go for another “sin partner” in quest of
fulfilling his or her already sparking libidos. Some as if have no brains in
their premature skulls would go as far as tagging along with any prettier
person they met giving rise to multiple sexual partners. A person with such a
narrow thinking is only heaping up junks or rubbishes that would one day need
to be burnt, and burning them would surely produce smokes of troubles not easy
to be quenched.
There was this story of
a lady who had had three different “future husbands” at different times already
during her four-year tertiary education while she was still in the third year
of studies. All these landed in vague disappointment and she nearly ended it
all by committing suicide. As childish, as she was, she picked up the number
four “husband-hopeful” while she stepped into the final year on an account of
disappointment from the third. No surprise. But one question of destitution to
think about is that “can a decision Godly taken end in vain without
fulfillment?” Is not that which is tied in heaven also tied on earth? Was her
decisions backed by God? If yes, then why should it end; if no then why should
she keep repeating the wrong method that produces no results. And if a tertiary
student could have acted childishly like this, what could have happen while
younger she was? See, see, see, God is not an “on trial man”, He does not
decide and withdraw, He does not suggest and dispose, He does not tempt and
cannot be tempted. Any idea that makes you try to try someone in relationship
to see if it will result in marriage is from the devil. Either you are surely
convinced it will succeed or you don’t try!
The divinely instituted
union is being taken for granted and the founder of this union just posed in
silence taking a glance at the defaulters. Of which benefit is it for a partner
to be changed like baby’s diapers? Only baby’s brain would love this to be done
since they are found of soiling diapers frequently.
When young adolescent
today are hiding in dark crevices and planning love issues in the crafty name of
romance, it clearing tells they are speedily steering their premature lives
into jeopardy, and jeopardy we know is defined as “a danger of loss or harm”;
thus a game that has a risk of making you sustain bitterness (harm) or miss a
marked focus (loss). Every “childhood” relationship with lust roots only die on
the podium of sexual mess and separation in conjunction with broken-heartedness
as it is usually termed, plus a compromised mood. But whose fault is it if your
so-called sinful boyfriend-girlfriend relationship drifts on an account of
unfaithfulness and disappointment into a state of mental agony, intense hatred,
tortured heart and you feel like ending it with suicide? Is it not your own fault
of inconsistent, baseless and premature thought which led into an incoherent
decision made on the platform of childishness? What then is ‘broken heartedness’?
Oh my God, a heart in pieces, isn’t it? But how could a heart which once
bounced in love soon go in piece? Perhaps, it was not well handled and it
slipped off and fell and got broken! May be you gave it to a child to handle.
So you see, children are always careless; they can play with some things, but
marriage is no game for them.
Lucky are those who by
kind courtesy of passing ages and testifying experiences realized the wrong
decision taken while younger they were. With time and the current situation
telling them the truth, they realize their childish folly as evidenced by them
later acknowledging incompatibility with the wrong choice. When they were children,
they thought like children. Thank God they have now identified their backdated
mistakes. With this, the next step is to use their brains if mature now and
prepared for God’s choice, not their own again! Not again! The process may look
bitter, but its better!
There are some people
who get worried emotionally when the page of their childish “folly” or
relationship is brought to a sudden close. There are others too who do not feel
any trace of worry since they are fully aware what they have planted would not
gain tap roots. A short message here is warning that, worrying or no worrying,
an attempt to play with what God meant to be holy attracts and apprehension.
This must be hoped for and prepared for if the offender had no sincere
repentance. Don’t forget, God has a well divinely planned choice for everyone. Attempting
to go your own way may make you to miss the mark and get lost while throwing
dust at the face of the precious plan of the divine maker.
Israelmore AyivorFollow me on FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/Israelmore
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